Match.com

Once upon a time, in a land with mountains and valleys, there was a young girl named Deedee. She enjoyed living life to the fullest and making memories out of experiences…

Record scratch……………………………………….fast forward

That was me then! Now, I am a 28 year old female trying to take on the world! What was once making memories out of experiences has turned into running FAST from awkward situations (which happens quite often).

Last week, I bit the bullet and signed up for Match.com. I heard great stories about people who knew people and they found love. I also know people who were on it and told me horror stories. A good friend of mine, Citrine told me that she signed up and that she was going on a date daily. That sounds exhausting! But after many uncomfortable family gatherings and multiple lectures of ‘needing to find someone to settle down’, I learned that this should be the first step in the 12 step program called MEN.

Within the first few days, I have been violated to depths of my being. I have been winked at (equivalent of being poked), emailed and IM’d relentlessly. I am exhausted! Before I even log on to Match – I need to stretch, mentally prepare and have a gatorade close by. Over 500 people have ‘viewed’ my profile. I have been made a ‘favorite’ by four gentlemen with whom I have had no interaction with at all. Classy – I know! As for “littlesniperboy” and “ImSoillImSick” – you make me sick. You have no shot with any woman on or off the computer. Just stop trying.

I also was delighted to have the experience of being IM’d by a 47 year old Tubby who told me I was hot. When I did not respond to him, he told me that my profile pictures were fake and that I was probably some ugly woman from Ghana. Thank you Mr. Teletubby – you do not have a shot in hell from a blind woman!

Finally , my most recent fuck-my-life-because-I –am-on-Match moment happened yesterday. A 36 yr. and overweight cop had been emailing me a few times with zero response (on my end). He thought he would delight me by sending yet another email. He asked me if I was at the Verizon store in DC on Tuesday. FUCK! I am now being recognized on the streets from losers on Match! Hello vodka, are you there? It’s me- Deedee.

With all of the pain and shame I have undergone by signing up for Match… it is not absolutely dreadful. I would say that 1 out of 10 men that have ‘connected’ with me are put into the maybe pile. I have corresponded with a few of the maybe’s and although I have not physically gone on any dates, the potential is coming. I will eventually suck up my pride and go out to meet some of these potential suitors.

This all leads me to raise the question …What does a girl have to do to be courted around here???

Baby steps Deedee. Baby steps.

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